THE ART OF MASTURBATION
Why the pretense and lies around sex?
“If you let a man shake you, you'll get pregnant”This was all the sex education my mother ever gave to me. Was this sex education effective in the long run or should I have been told the truth at a level I'll understand or was she lacking in the knowledge of what to share with her 11yrs old daughter? After all, you can't give what you don't have.
Well, stories have been shared online by several people that let me know that the view shared by my mother and many others is false.
The first time I felt my vagina throb was in Jss2 and I was excitedly scribbling in my notebook. I wasn't thinking about sex or consuming any sexual content of any kind but my lady bit was going haywire. Like most girls, I was confused because I didn't understand what was happening to my body. I quickly squeezed my thighs together hoping to ease the incessant beating. It stopped after a few minutes and I continued scribbling. The one feeling that stayed with me was the crippling guilt and fear that I had broken an unspoken and unwritten oath by feeling arousal ( I didn't know it was called that at the time)
This feeling didn't come because I was exposed to sex but because my hormones were maturing and naturally doing what it was designed to do. A lot of girls in school then explored same-sex affairs because they believed that it was safer to do it with a girl, after all, there's no risk of getting pregnant.
A student in a boarding school in Nigeria shared with me that they engaged in anal sex because “who wan carry belly?”😳😳😳. Yes, you read that right, 13-15yr old's having anal sex. It's a lot scarier than you ever imagined.
MYTHS I WAS TOLD ABOUT SEX EDUCATION.
Most Nigerian female kids have heard different variations of “if a man shakes you, you'll get pregnant”. The commitment to passing on this rhetoric is laudable.
Boys are easier to raise: “I'll rather have boys than girls please, girls have too many issues”. What this attitude causes, is a neglect of the boy child. His fears and questions about the changes occurring in his body go unanswered for a long time until porn comes to fill the void.
Boys are easier to raise: “I'll rather have boys than girls please, girls have too many issues”. What this attitude causes, is a neglect of the boy child. His fears and questions about the changes occurring in his body go unanswered for a long time until porn comes to fill the void.
At least the girl child gets “shake a man and get pregnant”
- Parent:10
- Girl child:1
- Boy child:0
- Sex Education: -0.0
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| May the best odds win. |
We can not continue to leave sex education to chance or to probability.
WHY DO PARENTS TELL US THESE MYTHS
Every parent knows what is best for their kids or so they say. But we dismiss the fact that parents are human beings with failings and shortcomings unique to humans.
They spread these proven misconceptions about sex because
They spread these proven misconceptions about sex because
Lack of knowledge: they simply can't give what they don't have or know themselves. They heard the same stories and warnings with stern looks from their mothers and a firm pinch of d earlobes to ensure that they abide.
Fear of what people will say: As started earlier is the acknowledgment of the human factor and nature of parents. They too suffer from the ever unrelenting grip of “what will people say”. When Nigerians term your child fast or wayward the stories they'll peddle against your child will be destructive. And they'll cast aspersions on your parenting skills. So it's easier to conform and parrot the same rhetoric over and over.
Religious beliefs: whewwwwww!!! This is the chieftaincy and ordained reason why sex education is lacking in Nigerian homes. We all know what the holy book opines about premarital sex. So teaching anything other than total abstinence is taken as a disregard for God. And of course, don't forget the ever-gleaming sword of corporal punishment of eternal damnation. With these factors firmly in place; a doctrine you can't question and fear of hell, you have homes so rigid it can break ice.
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| Ye shall burn!!! |
HARMS PERPETUATED BY THESE MYTHS.
Let's use the boarding house story shared earlier as an example. So teenagers are in school engaging in anal sex because they have been indoctrinated to believe pregnancy is the worst aftermath of sex. But we know that's simply not true. They can experience rectal prolapse, contract HIV, Hepatitis, and other venereal diseases.
Lack of sex education breed fear in children. The unquestionable doctrine is firmly in place to ensure no one goes probing. Then gloss it with the Nigerian evergreen approach of victim-blaming and you have a child who can't even whisper that an uncle is touching her/him.
Remember, kids don't remain kids forever. They will find out the truth. It might not be the truth you want them to internalize, but it'll be the one they function outside of your control with.
WAY FORWARD WITH SEX EDUCATION
We know better now, so let's do better. We can no longer leave sex education to social media and peers to handle. No child is too small to be taught sex education.
Don't know where to start? Begin by teaching sexual consent and other forms of consent
No is a complete sentence.
All it takes is a little nudge here and there and I promise, we'll get through.
Very interesting piece. I hope with all these awareness, parents actually do better and not just know better.
ReplyDeletethis is a very informative piece....parents really need to learn the importance of sex education because if you dont teach them someone else ll and you might not like what they ll learn..... jst like the boarding house story....
ReplyDeleteParents are the first Teacher for their children.
ReplyDeleteI told my mom recently that I would have made better sex decisions like waiting before having sex for the first time if she had talked to me about sex. She had nothing to say! I have made a firm decision to do better with my child(ren) even if it's the only thing I do properly as a mother. Sex should be taught to young people. If a research is done for people between 18-30, you'll be amazed with the number of sexual abuse within this age bracket.
ReplyDeleteMost parents treat sex education as if it were a sin, not to talk of mentioning the s word... They always shy away from the topic meanwhile the media and books are just portraying sex with its positive and negative aspects leaving young people with no foundation and filter towards what they consume.
ReplyDeleteYou only talked here and there about Sexual knowledge Repression in the "Home", leading to Peer-to-peer experimentation of Sex amongst adolescents. You totally made no arguments on the title itself.
ReplyDeleteFinally, you ended with 'Consent' (logically irrelevant to the topic and body of arguments prior to the Conclusion), as a way forward with Sex Education. A Person cannot be sure about Consent, if they not Sexually Aware and Informed.
So contrarily, I think the way forward with Sex Education is actual development of sexual confidence through knowledge of Truth about Sex and Sex Activities.